Ottawa Softball Post Game 7, SBW Comp vs Brawlers

The day had finally arrived. The unification of the greatest superheroes to set foot on a baseball diamond took place. Not since the days of Babe Ruth had spectators starred so intently on how uncomfortable players could look in such tight apparel. They murmured, but couldn’t deny how sexually distracting the curvature or each suds respective ass looked in the glimmer of dusk.

With the confidence of a superior genetically modified human, mike’s strut showed what a real man looks like in a spiderman suit. Although perhaps low on his spidy sense that day, his sense of aesthetic with a matching blue and red glove was FABULOUS… As usual, his repertoire of inspirational bating coach quotes, ” Now you’re set ” ” like you can ” inevitably led to the mental fortitude to all who listened.

Not to be mistaken for a convict attempting to escape shawshank, Blake’s flashy yet subdued portrayal of the hulk instilled fear into any that dared to stare. In signature style, he SMASHED the ball into the outfield at numerous occasions only to be reminded of his achilles hamstring. Like an alcoholic waking in unusual surroundings with an unidentifiable object up his butt, he began his walk of shame from 2nd base. His face,  plagued with regret, as the realization hit that this wasn’t his first walk of shame and will most likely not be his last.

The flash had his usual, all business game. With little need of his super speed, his hitting allowed mere mortal walking around the bases. Too bad his over ambitious base coaching led Hulk to believe he could make it to second base with his usual unidentified object up the ass jog.

Among all superheroes that took the field, he stood out as the most threatening, the most dangerous killing machine. Perhaps it was because of his manly dark features, or that from behind, he looked like a hooded Treyvon Martin…(that joke… is gold…) Alas, it was america’s sweetheart Captain america. Walking to the pitcher’s mound with boots and no laces like he don’t giv a fuk. When he wasn’t hitting home runs, he was striking the opposition with his curved balls, clipping just the tip of the plate.

The ladies thankfully brought a little class to the show. Agent hill was reaching for the fences with her long bombs. Although no home runs this time, it’s most probably because she was distracted from the men asker her to pistol whip them. Mel brought Harley Quinn’s usual pleasant charm onto the field. As she strutted onto the batter’s mound while playing the innocent girl who’s never played, she made the pitcher regret he was born with her strategically placed hits. Poison Ivey played stellar not taking any shit from vegetarian haters. She too may not have hit any homers, but most probably because she was distracted as her milkshake brought all the boys to the yard… (to her boyfriend that may read this, no actual boys were brought to the yard as a result of your girl’s milkshake) Scarlet witch appeared pensive most of the game. When she wasn’t contemplating over her superhero life with a cigarette, she was showing her rebellious demeanour by giving the finger during pictures.

Last, but not least… black widow. It takes a certain ” je ne sais quoi” to turn a PG game of softball into the R rated half chub infested event she created. Pandemonium took place after Scarlet Johanson Tweeted that she wanted her cleavage back. Her skin tight one piece  was rivalled only by superman’s camel toe. Her offensive performance was as you’d cum to expect. However, this was let down by the large gapping hole that was the 3rd base line. She hadn’t seen that many balls pass by her face since… the good old days…

O ya, and Superman hit a home run. Which is about time since he’d been hitting like a pansy for the past few games. It was almost enough to make people forget the cryptonite throw to JustIn at second he failed to make from 20 feet out.

That’s right justIn… that’s what you get for coming to the game looking like… you…